This is my mantra. I know, it’s harsh, but since making the decision to keep my oldest daughter, I’ve been fighting for her. She’s mine. Sure, I share her with others, but she’s mine. She came from my body. I grew her for almost 10 months. I puked 4 times every day from week 8 of pregnancy until she was a couple of weeks old. I’m the one wearing my tiger stripes proudly on the area that was once her home. I went through 12 hours of labor without pain medicine to deliver her. I provided her nourishment for 13 months. She.is.mine. And so is abc.
So often I see mom’s asking for advice on how to deal with <insert random person> who doesn’t agree with <insert whatever they’re doing>. My advice: tell them to mind their own business until you invite them into yours (I kid–a little). Harsh, I know, but when you have a baby it seems to open the door to everyone and their mother’s to offer their unsolicited opinions or sometimes go as far as doing whatever they feel like with your baby. Not cool. Not cool at all.
Your Children Are Worth Your Fight
This was the first lesson I learned. I had standards and certain things that I wanted to make sure happened or didn’t happen. And that was that. I wasn’t going to compromise my expectations for the person that I birthed because it offended someone else. I remember when mini was 3 we were having some issues with her constantly wanting candy after her birthday. As someone who has battled with weight since I could remember as well as cavities, I didn’t want the same for her. Plus, it’s just not good for her health. Well, my mom was offended because she thought that I was accusing her of giving her too much candy and her feelings were hurt. I explained to her why I had the rule in place, apologized for her taking offense, and reiterated that she wasn’t to have candy. My baby, my rules.
No One Knows Your Baby Better Than You
Unless you’re not present for your child or not really attentive–then others probably do–but if you’re a present parent–physically, mentally, emotionally–then no one knows your baby better than you. You know your baby’s cries, what causes their fevers, when they’re hungry, what they like to eat, how often they nap, how often the poop, and what’s normal for them. It’s ok not to consult others for things you already know–trust your gut.
People May Be Offended
And that’s ok. My allegiance is to my children–not every person offering me random bits of unwarranted advice. I remember when I switched mini’s schools when I felt like her Montessori school had given up on her. They were pissed, upset, mad, didn’t understand and I didn’t care. I didn’t birth them. Their upbringing wasn’t dependent upon me or my decisions. All this playing nice with other people so they aren’t offended is malarkey. So many people overstep their boundaries because no one has ever checked them. I will. God gave me my babies to look after and to raise and that’s my priority.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying to be blatantly rude. But I am saying that it’s more than ok to stand up for what you believe in. It’s ok to not agree with others simply because you feel like you have to take their suggestions. Have a parenting standard and stick to it asking for help when you need it or Google can’t find the answer. You don’t need to have the permission of others to raise your children the way you see fit.
Your baby, your rules.
Do you think it’s hard to stick up for what you believe in?