proverbially speaking of course.
but in a marriage, which do you put first, your marriage/spouse or your children? this has been a hot topic and was recently (as in today) posed to me as well. my answer has always been the same. my spouse comes first.
some people might be up in arms like, “OMG how could you put anything before your child?!?” for those that are religious, it’s in the bible it speaks to putting your spouse first always. for those that aren’t religious, it honestly just makes sense. just like how it’s crucial for a mom to have “me time” to be a better mother, it’s equally as important for spouses to have a strong connection so they can parent cohesively.
even outside of parenting, your children are going to grow up and leave you and then have families of their own. if you’ve neglected your spouse during the time that you were raising your children, once they leave, you’re left with a stranger. the very cute chick flick “failure to launch” with matthew mcconaughey and sarah jessica parker touches on this. in the movie, once mcconaughey finally moves out at like 35, the mom doesn’t know how to act outside of her role as a mother.
in all honesty, my priorities are as follows: God, me, the hubs, the babes. yes, in that order. if my spirit isn’t right, then honestly, nothing else is right either. for some this looks like a relationship with God through religion or other spiritual paths. for others, this may look differently. after getting my spirit right, then comes me. so what this looks like to me is making sure i’m taking the time out to handle what’s important for my growth and sanity. on sunday mornings, i take time out to give myself a facial and deep condition my hair, i work out, i make sure that the foods i’m putting in my body are healthy and delicious.
these things come before my husband because i want to be a whole person for him. i don’t believe in this whole “you complete me” jazz. i want to be a whole person just like i want him to be complete as well. that way when we come together, we’re even greater. nurturing a connection with my husband is vital for my role as a mother and as a woman. we need to connect on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. we do this through texts throughout the day, conversations at night, snuggling, and other intimate times. we’re able to discuss parenting among other things that are important.
having this strong connection with my husband makes us better parents for our girls. he knows how i feel about certain things and i know his feelings as well. so when mini comes and asks me something that she’s already gotten a “no” out of him for, i also say know showing a united front. but because he and i are affectionate, respectful, and loving, it sets the standard for what mini and baby abc should expect from relationships as well.
so for me, the other chicken comes before the eggs–that way there’ll be more eggs 😉