I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine’s Day. If I’m being honest, I can count on one hand how many Valentine’s Days I’ve really, truly enjoyed with a significant other. And when you have young kids, celebrating Valentine’s Day gets even more tricky. As women, many of us want to be wined and dined and spoiled with things seen on movies.
Love & Relationships
- Committing to monthly dates.
- Having intentional conversations with each other.
- Going out individually.
- Having family play dates.
- Increasing our intimacy–not necessarily the sex but just being intimate with each other.
This post is sponsored by James Avery. Thoughts and opinions are my own.
At the end of last year I read an article that said 2017 was a transitional year for me (which it was) and 2018 was the year for me to focus on my romantic love. I couldn’t be happier because being a wife is one of my favorite roles that I have in my adult life. Outside of it being an amazing role, I REALLY love my husband so focusing on love with him is something that I’m really looking forward to.
Life Can Be Hard On Love
My husband and I are technically still newly weds. We were married in 2014 and still have yet to have a honeymoon since I was pregnant with abc when we got married and then left the corporate world shortly after having her. These past years have been one transition after another. While for some this could take a toll on their marriage, it’s made ours stronger and really shown us sides of love we normally wouldn’t have seen. But growing from a family of 3 to a family of 5 in 4 years has made it tough to nurture our marriage.
Bouncing Back From Transitions
Our marriage is strong but lacks the romance that we both really deserve. The last date that we went on I was super pregnant and uncomfortable. While it would be nice for things to naturally bounce back, that’s not how life is. So we’re having to be more intentional about focusing on OUR love. What does that look like, right?
Everyday Reminders with James Avery
I’m one of those people where out of sight is out of mind. I get so hyper focused on what’s in front of me that sometimes I forget all of the other goals that I have that may not be directly in front of me in that moment. I had the opportunity to shop in store with James Avery and I knew just what I wanted–a ring that reminded me of my commitment to focusing on love with my husband. And I found it with the help of the James Avery saleswoman. I told her my goals and what I was looking for and she suggested getting the Lovers’ Knot Ring.
From their website:
A timeless expression of two becoming one, this sterling silver ring is symbolic of romantic love.
How perfect is this, right?!?! I also got a set of 3 Delicate Forged Rings to represent my 3 children because it seemed like the stars aligned perfectly for me to get these as well.
I’m excited to see where our marriage is at the end of a year that was spent focusing on love.
Are you married? What ways do you remind yourself to make sure you’re putting the time and attention into your marriage?
I’m excited to be partnering with TiffinTalk to bring you tips to spice up your marriage!
Let me ask you a question: When was the last time you talked to your spouse since you’ve had your baby? If you have to think about it, it’s been too long. When was the last time you got dressed up in something sexy to make his/her jaw drop–along with yours too? I’m not here to judge but I am here to give some tips on how to reconnect with your spouse after baby.
But I Love My Spouse
Yep, we all love our spouses (hopefully). But when we have babies, we tend to get caught up in them. We smell their little heads, want to snuggle them all the time, and just wallow in their cute fat rolls and baby giggles. These little people that we’ve created are mystifying and all sorts of amazing. But so is your spouse and simply saying “I love you” is not enough to keep that marriage strong for the long haul. Sure, you love your spouse. When was the last time you showed them that?
You Said No-Fail Ways to Reconnect?
I did. Assuming that you want your marriage to succeed, these tips will work. Ok. So maybe not a guarantee of no-fail BUT these tips have a pretty high success rate in getting you to where you want to be with your spouse.
Ok, Give Me The Goods–How Do You Reconnect With Your Spouse After Baby?
These tips are simple, painless, and pleasurable–in that order.
1. Communicate with each other.
Sure. This seems rather obvious but you know what’s surprising? How sometimes we forget how to talk to each other. Yes, this has happened to me with my husband after we had abc. On our first date post baby, we sat there like “hmmm… what do I say now?” It was so weird to not know what to say to my favorite person in the world!!! After that, I googled things like “How to talk to husband”, “What questions to ask husband”, “How to date my husband” and I was almost embarrassed that I had to consult Google.
My solution now? Conversation cards. TiffinTalk has created a Heart2Heart conversation card set that has 69 (good number, right? ha!!!) cards that are solely dedicated to you and your spouse sitting down sans electronics and getting some good face time together. Do you know how important this is to look your spouse in the eye and chat? Something so simple has the power to be so life changing!
2. Learn each other’s love language.
And then love them that way. People make it seem like it’s so hard to love others that it makes the other person feel unlovable and that’s not true! The 5 Love Languages makes it super easy to figure out how you feel love. It takes the think work out of your relationship for you. All you have to do is show up and love up on your spouse!
In marriage, if we focus on our spouse’s happiness while they focus on ours, everyone’s needs are being met. It’s a win-win situation. Get the book or take the test online and rock out loving your spouse in the most painless way possible!
3. Have lots of sex.
Yeah, I said it.
There was an older couple in some Facebook video that had been circulating some time ago and when they were asked what makes for a happy marriage, sex was one of their top reasons. Some say that sex doesn’t matter and I say that those some are wrong. It does matter. You are being physically one with your spouse in an act that is so intimate.
I’m not one of those people that thinks ALL sex is intimate. But sex with your spouse, the person who you are most naked with mentally, spiritually, emotionally, is an act of intimacy. We need to connect with others. You need to be connected with your spouse. Plus it’s fun and it feels good. Have fun with your marriage!
With Valentine’s Day being around the corner, surprise your spouse with applying these 3 tips. Grab your TiffinTalk 69 (giggle) cards here, learn about the love languages here, and get some sexy lingerie to show them it’s real!!!
So, who’s excited for Valentine’s Day and using these tools to reconnect with your spouse after baby?
As I write this I’m rocking our newborn son to sleep while he puts abc down. Keeping your marriage alive after having a baby isn’t always the easiest but this is our second time doing it. We aren’t pros but we are still very happily married.
Once baby comes paying attention to your marriage can be hard. Balancing recovery, baby, other children, work and redefining yourself is a full time job and then adding your marriage? Yeah, it can be overwhelming but I have some tips and tricks to help in keeping your marriage alive after having a baby.
Tips & Tricks To Keeping Your Marriage Alive After Having A Baby
1. Remember that your spouse still needs you.
This seems really obvious, right? But it isn’t. I’ve heard so many men talk about how after women have given birth they no longer exist to them. I’m going to be captain obvious here again, but, without them, there would be no baby! Remember that and remember them.
2. Put your spouse first.
This is super hard. You just created this little person who is incredibly cute and smells amazing and all you want to do is snuggle them. The only person you want to pay attention to is the one that you made. As hard as this is, here is your reminder: Put your spouse first. Well, after God or whatever higher power you believe in. Seriously. In a marriage where your spouse is your priority they are more fulfilled and together you can make children a priority. Trust me, parenting is a team sport. You want to be on the same page tackling things in unison.
3. Have sex. Lots of it.
Ohhhhhhhhhh!!! She said S-E-X!!! Yep, I did. Give up the goodies. Have a great time. Remember what it feels like to be your spouse’s lover. It’s amazing. If you’re a co-sleeping, crunchy mom like myself, this can be hard but it’s not impossible. Get creative but love on each other. It’s healthy.
4. Over communicate.
Seriously. Talk. A lot. Every month I have some pretty standard questions for my husband. I ask him how I’m doing as his wife, what I could be doing differently, and if there’s anything I could do to make being my husband easier. Normally he has no feedback
because I’m just that awesome but I like to keep that door open just in case there is something that he does need to share.
5. Take care of yourself.
You should really be taking care of yourself for you but let’s be honest, being with someone who take care of themselves is way more fun than being with someone who doesn’t. It sounds shallow but it isn’t. It’s reality. I’m not saying that you need to be dressed up donning a face full of make up and 5-in stiletto’s everyday but I am saying that you should do the things that make you feel good about yourself. I love to do facials and my nails. It makes me feel like I’ve treated myself and I’m worth it. But it also just makes me feel better about myself and when I feel good, I want everyone else around me feeling good too–especially my husband.
Having a baby is wonderful. They are cute and amazing and it’s so cool that they came from your body! And they’re a lot of work. But don’t let that work take away from the very thing that they were created with–the love of your spouse.
What ways do you keep your marriage alive?
Today marks the beginning of the 4th year of marriage for my husband and I. I woke up to the sounds of both my husband and toddler breathing heavily (to be read as snoring) and felt flooded with feelings of comfort. The first thing that I see when I wake up is our gold wall decal that says “You Are My Home” and these words couldn’t be more true of how I feel both about my husband and my marriage.
My Marriage Is My Home
This isn’t my first go at this marriage thing. In fact, as my cousins tried to comfort me going through my divorce, they said that our first marriages in our family don’t work out. That didn’t make me feel better nor did it make me feel like I wanted it again. I was heartbroken and confused as to why (what I thought was) love didn’t make my marriage work out. That one was filled with resentment, misery, and immaturity. I swore off getting married again until I met my husband. It’s almost as if our love healed the heartbreak, broken expectations and wounds that were left behind.
My marriage to my husband is my home now. It doesn’t matter where we live as long as we’re together, I feel at home. See, we’ve built a marriage that has a solid foundation that started with truth and honesty. It’s a strong one. Like super strong. He knows both the proudest and most embarrassing moments I’ve lived through and he’s loved me harder with everything he’s learned. And the same is true for him. Every day we’ve been together we’ve been building, laying bricks, deciding how we wanted our marriage to be to fit us and our longevity.
And it’s working for us. There are things that he’s told me that didn’t feel good in the moment but they were his truth and I knew that he was coming out of a place of love. I’ve never felt more at home and more in “my place” as I do since being with him. We lift each other up. Challenge each others thoughts. Chase each others dreams and we do it together with love.
I can still remember when I saw him for the first time. The kindness in his eyes melted my frozen demeanor. And it feels like yesterday that we were at our wedding and I saw him telling people what to do so that the day was perfect for me. It already was because it was him that I was uniting my life with for forever.
Yes, this is a mushy post. I share a lot about myself as a mother and my children but this is the person and very thing that gives me sanity. He is my rock. He is the person I trust with everything that is me. He is the one that showed me that perfect love does exist.
He is my husband.