Let me preface this open letter by saying that I absolutely love my husband. This was prompted by the many conversations had between wives as we both appreciate our husbands and wish upon stars for things they would do that are just.for.us. My husband is hands down the best father in the world and that’s saying a lot because I was raised by one.
We, yes we, are tired. This is a blanket statement that I’ve heard on my mommy boards, wife boards, and private messages with friends.
We. Are. Exhausted.
<insert an additional synonymn that goes with the flow since I’m just too tired to look one up>
I realized just how tired and overwhelmed I was when I promised my cousin last Friday that on my day off we would hang out. But then that didn’t happen. On Friday I went shopping for Halloween costumes to make for the girls and a client, rushed home to do something that I’ve now forgotten, do some more client work, before taking mini to the bone doctor for her follow up. This included dragging not only her, but her sister, and my bonus child. After getting a cast on, we sat in traffic for an hour as every ounce of my patience flew out the window.
Then it dawned on me that I hadn’t put dinner on. #momfail
Rehashing my last Friday wears me out as well. Because even after all this, I went to the store after the kids went to bed and I cancelled any iota of a date night I really wanted to have with my husband so that we could have a picnic basket of snacks ready for us in the morning for mini’s track meet. I did this because at our last track meet, my husband fussed at me about not being properly prepared for an all day event. But not this time. This time I was ready with apple sauces, PB&J’s, fruit, breakfast bars and other healthy snacks. And do you know that he didn’t even notice?
Tired guys. Ti-Red.
Here’s the thing about my friends and I–we never for one second thing that our husbands don’t love us. If there’s nothing else in the world that we know, it’s that you guys love us. We see it in the way you go to work. The way you love on our children. The way you snore in our ears as we spoon. But most days, we just don’t feel appreciated.
I know. I said it. And I heard the pin drop as the room got silent. But let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. After reading article after article naming everything that we women do wrong for our mate’s and why we’re single and all the other malarkey, I’m going to address 2 things here: 1. how awesome and amazing we are; and, 2. ways to show you appreciate the awesome and amazing we are.
See Our Amazing
I have a friend who is a mom of 2 who is married but handles a lot of the parenthood thing because her loving spouse travels for work. This woman has handled 1 tiresome three year old and 1 non-sleeping 1 year old by herself on many a nights. I’d also like to mention that she’s an entrepreneur. So not only is she out here rocking the hell out of motherhood but she’s doing it while being an amazing business woman. But do you know what she sees? She sees that she forgot to make dinner–not that she picked her daughter up on time from school and managed to work and run errands and countless other things. She’s holding her household down. And is tired because on average she sleeps a couple hours a night.
But it’s not just her. Most of us moms are out here working–whether in the home or out–while cleaning, cooking, checking on the finances, making sure that everyone has matching socks, hair is done, belly’s are full, teachers are spoken to, and more. We. Are. Amazing. But you know what? You guys are too since you made the wise choice in marrying us.
But Please Show Us You Appreciate Us
Please. Like pretty please. At the end of the day, most of us are motivated to be our best because of the love that we have for you and our children. On days that I don’t think I can do anymore after working a 12 hour day, cooking, running to track practice and during, feeding and fighting with kids all while beating myself up I keep going because I want to be more. Not just for me, but for you. But you know what hurts us?
Not feeling appreciated.
I remember the first time that mini said “Thank you” to me. I asked her what she was thanking me for. Her response? “Everything mommy”. I swear to God I knew I would keep her for forever after that. But seriously, just her simple acknowledgment of everything that I was doing meant the world to me and motivated me to do more.
Just saying the words “Thank you” matter. But so does doing things that speak her love language. Don’t know it? Do things that speak all of the love languages. You know that masquerade ball she really wants to get dressed up for and go to because she just wants to see herself as beautiful again while out with the love of her life? Go. Make it a priority. You know how she seems a little cranky? Bring home some flowers or a little treat for her. Leave her a note just saying how much you appreciate her. Set up a date night where the only thing she’s responsible for is showering and dressing.
Make her a priority.
Now if you don’t care about her and you don’t really like being married, disregard this. But if you do care and you love your wife, please, show her that you appreciate her.