Motherhood

Can We Be Honest About How Hard Motherhood Is?

Last night I sat on the edge of my bed questioning what I was doing wrong in this motherhood thing after a tumultuous evening with my 9 year old. My husband walks in as I’m near tears and I ask him, “Is it me? Am I a terrible mom?” He literally laughed at me as he reminded me that this is just how had motherhood is.

Let’s Be Really Honest About How Hard Motherhood Is

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By the time I get in bed, I’m exhausted from mothering. Monday through Friday I wake up with the kids. I nurse the now toddler which literally sucks the life force out of me because I haven’t eaten or had water yet. This part is hard because I think I’m ready to wean, he clearly is not, and honestly, it’s just easier to let him nurse versus hear his cries.

Going through days with my middle child who is 4.5 is like negotiating with a mini terror daily from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed. I have to beg, plead, yell, scream and then threaten to get her to do anything. Friends, do you know how tiring this is? By the time I’ve just done this once for her to get in the shower after having an overnight accident, I’m ready to go back to bed. And these negotiations are for everything. Two weeks ago I sat and cried as I begged her to just sit down and do her writing work.

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And then there’s my oldest who at age 9 you would think requires less attention and energy than the two youngest yet she’s the most emotionally and physically draining. She is THE most helpful, smart, and sometimes funny child. Just as sweet and kind and helpful she can be is how mean and tiring she is.

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When she wants to do something, she does it cheerfully. But when she doesn’t want to? You guys. You would think that I asked her to do the unthinkable twice. It’s very Jekyll and Hyde around here and when she doesn’t get enough sleep all hell breaks loose.

My husband had to remind me just how hard motherhood is after a rough evening with one third of the children. I thought it was me but nope, that's what motherhood is!

They Say Three Kids Is The Magical Number For Stress

And they are right. When it was just Mini and I AND I was a single mom, things were easy breezy. The hardest thing was potty training and getting her to stop throwing her food on the floor when she was finished. It was tough being the only one to discipline and nurture her.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my children and I would never do anything different but be more prepared for what 3 kids with different personalities at different phases in their development meant. But friends, no one painted a true picture that I could find! So let me paint my picture for you.

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It Is Physically Exhausting

Outside of your body growing and then birthing and then breastfeeding (or not) 3 entire humans, this process times 3 really takes a toll on your body. After I had Mini, I dropped 60lbs, ran daily, and just had all the time to take care of myself. Now with 3, after getting everyone up, dressed, fed, snacks packed, shoes on, jackets on, fussed at everyone to make it all happen, gotten everyone into car seats, I barely have enough energy to get to the gym to workout.

And that’s if I have the time. Between normal ballet classes, ballet performances, robotics team, Girl Scouts, and co-op days, I’m basically a chauffeur for my oldest. It’s tiring to do all the driving back and forth while remembering doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, deadlines and more.

It Is Emotionally Exhausting

Now I don’t know if moms of boys have the same type of emotional exhaustion because BC has been very different–tiring in a different way though. These girls… Friends. The amount of sass that is in these little bodies is absurd. My husband says they get it honest but I don’t know if I believe I even had that much sass to offer!

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But raising good humans is hard. We have conversations about behavior because I always want them to know that I see them as people and I respect both their bodies and their emotions. This. Is. Tiring. Parenting through my own anger issues (another post for another day) plus their very big emotions is hard. I never want to be so angry with them that I can’t control myself and moment of truth: That part is hard. Because there are THREE of them being children at once versus me trying to get myself together and rebound with everyone’s emotions quickly.

Teaching them how to process their emotions constructively is hard for me as well when most days I just want to have a temper tantrum alone with them. The amount of emotional energy that comes with keeping it together needs it’s own IV of coffee.

It’s Mentally Exhausting

Is it just me or do you guys also replay different scenarios in your head with different outcomes? The mental exhaustion that comes from the over-analyzing and thinking and worrying about if you made the right decision, if you said the right thing, if you’re going to be the reason they end of up on the therapist’s couch in 10 years. I have the most serious mom guilt in the world that I work through every.single.day.

Because I homeschool my kids with a curriculum that I design, there’s a whole other layer of mental exhaustion here. That, too, is another post for another day.

It’s Spiritually Exhausting

I discovered that there are A LOT of Bible App plans for moms and women. And I know why. I’ve never prayed as hard or called God’s name for strength or had conversations with my ancestors than I have as a mom of 3. Because of this level of spiritual exhaustion I tend to feel, I had to switch back to my church I went to before my husband and I met. I needed to be fed again.

As my son screams and cries because he wants to sit in my lap instead of next to me, I’m going to wrap this up. One of the questions that often arises when I share my testimony on how hard motherhood is, is how do you combat it? What do you do to balance it all? In a nutshell, here is my answer: I work on making my marriage strong, I take as many breathers as I can, I talk to other moms to normalize my motherhood experience, I’ve learned to give myself grace.

Moms–weigh in below! Share your thoughts, comments, agreements, disagreements here!

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