Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of motherhood. I envisioned myself laying out in a yard wearing a sundress with three little running around me with a dog. And then towards the demise of my first marriage, my doctor told me that he didn’t think I would be able to be pregnant without help. I was sad. Though it was the catalyst for me to finally ask for the divorce that I’d wanted, I was really upset that I would never be able to fulfill the dream of motherhood that I’d had since a child.
Six months after I filed for divorce, one layoff later, and some interesting experiences, my dog began to act incredibly overprotective of me. I was exhausted. There just wasn’t enough sleep in the world for me. I jokingly said to my friend, “Ha, I must be pregnant.”
What does “Yes” mean?!!?
I had one of those fancy digital pregnancy tests that I’d bought when I was laid off so I didn’t lose my FSA dollars. I was so out of it that I’d even forgotten that I’d taken it until my friend called to see what it said. It said “Yes”. Not “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. Just “Yes”.
After finally accepting that I wouldn’t be able to have children, I wasn’t prepared for a test to tell me something differently. I was freshly divorced, had no job, no home, and was not ready for the realization that the very thing that I’d prayed for is what I would be getting. Motherhood.
Searching for my “Om”…
The second time around was no less surprising. The hubs and I had been freshly engaged and I’d had my IUD removed since I thought it was causing me to gain weight. Little did I know it was the removal that would be the real cause, ha!
I’d done all the research. Everyone said that it took about 3 months before your body was ready for pregnancy. I didn’t think I had anything to worry about to prevent it until then. Mini was away for Christmas break so I was taking advantage of the mommy time that I had so I was taking hot yoga. The last time I had taken it, I felt amazing. I took the class and I laid on my stomach and it felt like there was a small ball there. I took a test and it was negative. I went to another class and I felt HORRIBLE. I was so confused as of where my “Om” and “Namaste” were. I went to the pole class that I was enrolled in and almost fell asleep. I took another test. It was negative. I woke up one morning and cried about how I didn’t feel my husband was affectionate enough. I’m not really a crier about most things so I was even shocked. The following Monday at work I told him I thought I was pregnant. He said we would take a test later. I didn’t wait.
I had the last test in the 3 test pack in my car and I took it that moment at work. Immediately 2 faint lines appeared–this one wasn’t the fancy digital test lol. I was pregnant. Again.
The Biggest Blessings Are Most Unexpected
Neither of my pregnancies were planned but my children are the biggest blessings and game changers in my life. The catalyst to the best changes I’ve made in my life were started with my pregnancies. I went from an immature, young woman who was more committed to making the fun choices in life to someone who’s more committed to living a life of health in all aspects when I got pregnant with mini. My pregnancy with abc turned me into someone who is even more driven and dedicated to achieving my dreams and goals for both myself and family. I never would have guessed that pregnancy and motherhood would change my “me” so drastically but looking back at who I once was, I’m so grateful for these babes that have helped me become the woman I am today.