When I was in college, my dad and I got into juicing before it became really popular. I remember picking out which juices we were going to make together and then falling in love with the standard carrot juice. But then I tried Arden’s Garden Yoga 1. Guys, this juice is seriously the best green juice I’ve ever tasted.
Arden’s Garden Yoga 1
This is organic energy waiting to be digested. Arden’s Garden is native to Atlanta and I’m so happy about that. They have a couple of juice bars where you can go and pick up one of their delicious juices, shots or smoothies.
The amount of money that I’ve spent on these juices is insane–but worth every penny spent on them. But in true DIY fashion, I figured that I could make my own at a fraction of the cost. I don’t know how true the fraction of the cost is but I do know that my version is sooooo good.
yep, abc made this perfectly clear last night. what do i mean right?
backstory: i believe in most of the principles of attachment parenting. this was an easy philosophy to adopt when i was a single mother. i would wear mini all.the.time. she slept with me until she was 1–like literally her first birthday was the first time she slept in a different room than me. so naturally with baby abc i’ve been going the same route. but things are a little different because i’m not single and i’m newly married. the hubs and i still have some newly wed bonding to do!
current story: i’ve been working on getting baby abc to sleep on her own. she is probably the inventor of snuggling. she takes expert snuggling to the next level so getting her to sleep in her own space on her own is a challenge. this should really be read as mommy loves snuggling with her baby and isn’t 100% ready to have her sleeping on her own. i digress…
last night we did our nightly routine: she screams and hollers at me and her boob till she finally calms down and lets the effects of nursing and snuggles take place. i put her into her co-sleeper next to bed. boom. she’s sleeping wonderfully. the hubs comes upstairs–i was getting my thursday night tv fix– and we snuggle, have pillow chat and really connect. it was great to just have some alone time with my husband! so great that we stayed up till her first nursing talking. but this was good! i nursed her, put her back in her co-sleeper, the hubs and i snuggled up and finally fell asleep around 12:30.
here’s where i messed up……. abc starting rustling to nurse again around 4ish. i was half sleep and kinda woke her up when i put her in the bed to nurse. she latches, i fall back to sleep, she doesn’t. i wake up horrified as she begins boxing my nipple. major ouch. and then she wouldn’t go back to sleep! she was looking at me all cute and bright eyed with a look that said “i don’t give a single damb about you and daddy reconnecting!!! get your lazy butt up and rock me to sleep”.
and i did.
she had no regard for me trying to bond with my man… the nerve of her.
i think that most new moms battle with this feeling. don’t get me wrong, i’m extremely grateful that i have a job to go back to. unlike after having mini, this time i actually have a source of income. i’m very happy that i don’t have to worry about how i’m going to pay for food, diapers, clothes, etc. but again, unlike after having mini, my mom isn’t going to be keeping abc.
at the time, i really slept on the importance of having a family member–someone you trust–take care of your newborn child. now on the verge of having to send my newest baby into the arms of a potential stranger, i really appreciate having my mom and my network in myrtle beach keep mini until she was 7 months. at 7 months i wasn’t worried about her going to day care. i was grateful for it in fact. she went to school with the first baby she’d ever met, my friend’s son. i trusted them. it was good.
this go round is very different. unfortunately we don’t have friends or family that could keep her for the first couple months of her life. and the anxiety is building about having to leave her. it’s not so much that i don’t want to go back to work. i like my job. i like the people i work with. in fact, they’re all parents and will understand if i’m mopey my first week back because i’m missing my baby like crazy. i’m tearing up now just thinking about it.
i really want abc to go to the school that mini goes to. i love them. i trust them. my first born goes there and they love her, hug her, discipline her, and genuinely care about all the kids that go there. but you get what you pay for and believe that this school is an arm and a leg. it’s affordable, but expensive. there’s a “babysitter” that my co-worker uses that’s significantly cheaper that i’ll be calling on to check out soon but gosh, my anxiety is so high. i really don’t want to leave my baby with someone i don’t know and don’t know if i can trust.
i’m sitting here beating myself up because after a long week of talking back, screaming, crying, tantrums, and a smart mouth, i’ve finally lost my temper with mini. i feel guilty about my thoughts and it hit me that tonight i felt like it sucked being a mom. i’m not sure if this is ok because so often i read the FB status updates of “being a mother is the best job in the world” or “my child is so perfect/smart/charming/whatever” that i wonder if it’s just me and a handful other people who are having a smidge of trouble with these little people we’ve been assigned.
i’ve decided that yes, motherhood is awesome but you know what? it sucks a lot of the time too. like when you’ve been battling with your 4.5 year old about bed time for the past week and on friday you finally lose your shit because you just want some adult time with your husband and you finally have the screaming baby asleep but is awakened because you’ve had to yell at the 4.5 year old about not being in their beds after they got tucked in. that sentence was the very definition of grammatically incorrect but i haven’t the energy to go back and re-write it because if you’re reading this, you’re probably a parent and totally understood what i was trying to say. i digress… sometimes parenting is awesome but it normally sucks ass right after a grandparent leaves.
today was a particularly hard day. i’ve returned to working out which normally has my happy endorphin’s flowing but since this is my first week back, i’m a little sleepy with the early mornings. i had a great workout this morning. abc stayed in a nice slumber for me for the workout and a shower. we had a nice day surprising daddy at work with lunch and then kicking it with some of my work friends. i took a moment to pause from the things currently stressing me–where we’re going to send abc when i go back to work, how we’ll afford childcare and rent, if we should move or stay, if we move where do we move to, what’s going on with my STD payments, why haven’t i received my reimbursement for my dependent care, should we continue to switch banks, etc. There’s obviously a lot on my mind. but it was a nice day.
which made it worse when i picked mini up and the meltdowns began. the first one was because she didn’t get to keep charlie the classroom stuffed animal for the weekend. they send the stuffed animal home with the kid and we’re all supposed to do these fun things, take lots of pictures, and look all happy. yay. she was really disappointed about not getting him and really let the waterworks flow once she got in the car. this i understood though i thought it was a little funny. i mean, she was really emotional about it. we talked through that one. then she had a full out tantrum when i told her that we wouldn’t be going to the disney store and buying any of the “dress ups” they have there. whenever she does this i always try to figure out who these tantrums work for. but we talked through this one as well. i felt good. she felt good.
we get home. she’s bouncing off the walls. i settle her down. it’s now time for bed and shit hits the fan!!!! i really wish that she would just understand that life would be better if she would just listen. either way, i flipped my shit. she cried. i feel like a bad mom. and now the night is over.
when you become a parent, you learn that play dates are part of the plan. now, my oldest daughter has had plenty of “play dates”. i use this term loosely because they are dates in which my daughter played but they were with my friends and their kids. i don’t know if these qualify as official play dates because it was really just me hanging out with friends of mine that happened to have kids.
but mini has a best friend at school. she has been wanting to have a play date with her forEVER. at a recent birthday party i finally exchanged information with the bff’s mom. while we were there we set up a tentative date. i went into a borderline catatonic state smiling and nodding. contrary to popular belief, i’m super shy and have a lot of trouble getting comfortable with new people.
naturally i want her to have the play date. it’s great for her to play with more than just the kids of my friends. plus i really do want for her to have a best friend. i think all my friends i went to school with and i really do want her to have a friend that she’s made as a youngster and she grows with. but i don’t really know her mom. of course i’m open to getting to know her but it doesn’t seem like we really have much in common. she’s older than i am and definitely comes from a different background. i don’t want to just drop mini off with someone who’s a stranger to me. gah!
of course i’m open to getting to know new people and have been anticipating this happening for sometime but sheesh, i guess i’d been putting off arranging play dates for so long that now i’ve got the anxiety! but i’m sure that everything will be fine and i’m fretting for nothing. i mean, these are both our first kids and we have that in common if nothing else. i absolutely cannot wait for mini to hang out with her friend and i’ll definitely be doing some research on getting to know people via google before then–don’t judge me!