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    3 No-Fail Ways To Reconnect With Your Spouse After Baby

    I’m excited to be partnering with TiffinTalk to bring you tips to spice up your marriage!

    Let me ask you a question: When was the last time you talked to your spouse since you’ve had your baby? If you have to think about it, it’s been too long. When was the last time you got dressed up in something sexy to make his/her jaw drop–along with yours too? I’m not here to judge but I am here to give some tips on how to reconnect with your spouse after baby.

    But I Love My Spouse

    Yep, we all love our spouses (hopefully). But when we have babies, we tend to get caught up in them. We smell their little heads, want to snuggle them all the time, and just wallow in their cute fat rolls and baby giggles. These little people that we’ve created are mystifying and all sorts of amazing. But so is your spouse and simply saying “I love you” is not enough to keep that marriage strong for the long haul. Sure, you love your spouse. When was the last time you showed them that?

    You Said No-Fail Ways to Reconnect?

    I did. Assuming that you want your marriage to succeed, these tips will work. Ok. So maybe not a guarantee of no-fail BUT these tips have a pretty high success rate in getting you to where you want to be with your spouse. 

    Marriage can encounter many changes and transitions that can make you feel disconnected. Here are 3 practical tips to reconnect with your spouse right now.

    Ok, Give Me The Goods–How Do You Reconnect With Your Spouse After Baby?

    These tips are simple, painless, and pleasurable–in that order.

    1. Communicate with each other.

    Sure. This seems rather obvious but you know what’s surprising? How sometimes we forget how to talk to each other. Yes, this has happened to me with my husband after we had abc. On our first date post baby, we sat there like “hmmm… what do I say now?” It was so weird to not know what to say to my favorite person in the world!!! After that, I googled things like “How to talk to husband”, “What questions to ask husband”, “How to date my husband” and I was almost embarrassed that I had to consult Google.

    My solution now? Conversation cards. TiffinTalk has created a Heart2Heart conversation card set that has 69 (good number, right? ha!!!) cards that are solely dedicated to you and your spouse sitting down sans electronics and getting some good face time together. Do you know how important this is to look your spouse in the eye and chat? Something so simple has the power to be so life changing!

    2. Learn each other’s love language.

    And then love them that way. People make it seem like it’s so hard to love others that it makes the other person feel unlovable and that’s not true! The 5 Love Languages makes it super easy to figure out how you feel love. It takes the think work out of your relationship for you. All you have to do is show up and love up on your spouse!

    In marriage, if we focus on our spouse’s happiness while they focus on ours, everyone’s needs are being met. It’s a win-win situation. Get the book or take the test online and rock out loving your spouse in the most painless way possible!

    3. Have lots of sex.

    Yeah, I said it.

    There was an older couple in some Facebook video that had been circulating some time ago and when they were asked what makes for a happy marriage, sex was one of their top reasons. Some say that sex doesn’t matter and I say that those some are wrong. It does matter. You are being physically one with your spouse in an act that is so intimate.

    I’m not one of those people that thinks ALL sex is intimate. But sex with your spouse, the person who you are most naked with mentally, spiritually, emotionally, is an act of intimacy. We need to connect with others. You need to be connected with your spouse. Plus it’s fun and it feels good. Have fun with your marriage!

    With Valentine’s Day being around the corner, surprise your spouse with applying these 3 tips. Grab your TiffinTalk 69 (giggle) cards here, learn about the love languages here, and get some sexy lingerie to show them it’s real!!!

    So, who’s excited for Valentine’s Day and using these tools to reconnect with your spouse after baby?

    Keeping Your Marriage Alive After Having A Baby

    Keeping your marriage alive after having a baby is a hot topic for any couple who's just added a baby to their family. Here are some tips and tricks!

    As I write this I’m rocking our newborn son to sleep while he puts abc down. Keeping your marriage alive after having a baby isn’t always the easiest but this is our second time doing it. We aren’t pros but we are still very happily married.

    Once baby comes paying attention to your marriage can be hard. Balancing recovery, baby, other children, work and redefining yourself is a full time job and then adding your marriage? Yeah, it can be overwhelming but I have some tips and tricks to help in keeping your marriage alive after having a baby.

    Tips & Tricks To Keeping Your Marriage Alive After Having A Baby

    1. Remember that your spouse still needs you.

    This seems really obvious, right? But it isn’t. I’ve heard so many men talk about how after women have given birth they no longer exist to them. I’m going to be captain obvious here again, but, without them, there would be no baby! Remember that and remember them.

    2. Put your spouse first.

    This is super hard. You just created this little person who is incredibly cute and smells amazing and all you want to do is snuggle them. The only person you want to pay attention to is the one that you made. As hard as this is, here is your reminder: Put your spouse first. Well, after God or whatever higher power you believe in. Seriously. In a marriage where your spouse is your priority they are more fulfilled and together you can make children a priority. Trust me, parenting is a team sport. You want to be on the same page tackling things in unison.

    3. Have sex. Lots of it.

    Ohhhhhhhhhh!!! She said S-E-X!!! Yep, I did. Give up the goodies. Have a great time. Remember what it feels like to be your spouse’s lover. It’s amazing. If you’re a co-sleeping, crunchy mom like myself, this can be hard but it’s not impossible. Get creative but love on each other. It’s healthy.

    4. Over communicate.

    Seriously. Talk. A lot. Every month I have some pretty standard questions for my husband. I ask him how I’m doing as his wife, what I could be doing differently, and if there’s anything I could do to make being my husband easier. Normally he has no feedback because I’m just that awesome but I like to keep that door open just in case there is something that he does need to share.

    5. Take care of yourself.

    You should really be taking care of yourself for you but let’s be honest, being with someone who take care of themselves is way more fun than being with someone who doesn’t. It sounds shallow but it isn’t. It’s reality. I’m not saying that you need to be dressed up donning a face full of make up and 5-in stiletto’s everyday but I am saying that you should do the things that make you feel good about yourself. I love to do facials and my nails. It makes me feel like I’ve treated myself and I’m worth it. But it also just makes me feel better about myself and when I feel good, I want everyone else around me feeling good too–especially my husband.

    Keeping your marriage alive after having a baby is a hot topic for any couple who's just added a baby to their family. Here are some tips and tricks!


    Having a baby is wonderful. They are cute and amazing and it’s so cool that they came from your body! And they’re a lot of work. But don’t let that work take away from the very thing that they were created with–the love of your spouse.

    What ways do you keep your marriage alive?

    My Marriage Is My Home

    Today marks the beginning of the 4th year of marriage for my husband and I. I woke up to the sounds of both my husband and toddler breathing heavily (to be read as snoring) and felt flooded with feelings of comfort. The first thing that I see when I wake up is our gold wall decal that says “You Are My Home” and these words couldn’t be more true of how I feel both about my husband and my marriage.

    My Marriage Is My Home

    This isn’t my first go at this marriage thing. In fact, as my cousins tried to comfort me going through my divorce, they said that our first marriages in our family don’t work out. That didn’t make me feel better nor did it make me feel like I wanted it again. I was heartbroken and confused as to why (what I thought was) love didn’t make my marriage work out. That one was filled with resentment, misery, and immaturity. I swore off getting married again until I met my husband. It’s almost as if our love healed the heartbreak, broken expectations and wounds that were left behind.

    A very pregnant me the day after our wedding.

    My marriage to my husband is my home now. It doesn’t matter where we live as long as we’re together, I feel at home. See, we’ve built a marriage that has a solid foundation that started with truth and honesty. It’s a strong one. Like super strong. He knows both the proudest and most embarrassing moments I’ve lived through and he’s loved me harder with everything he’s learned. And the same is true for him. Every day we’ve been together we’ve been building, laying bricks, deciding how we wanted our marriage to be to fit us and our longevity.

    Marriage is everything that it's out to be. Well, it's everything that you make of it and mine? My marriage is my home amidst the craziness of life.

    And it’s working for us. There are things that he’s told me that didn’t feel good in the moment but they were his truth and I knew that he was coming out of a place of love. I’ve never felt more at home and more in “my place” as I do since being with him. We lift each other up. Challenge each others thoughts. Chase each others dreams and we do it together with love.

    I can still remember when I saw him for the first time. The kindness in his eyes melted my frozen demeanor. And it feels like yesterday that we were at our wedding and I saw him telling people what to do so that the day was perfect for me. It already was because it was him that I was uniting my life with for forever.

    Yes, this is a mushy post. I share a lot about myself as a mother and my children but this is the person and very thing that gives me sanity. He is my rock. He is the person I trust with everything that is me. He is the one that showed me that perfect love does exist.

    He is my husband.

    “Insecure” Made Me Appreciate My Husband More

    After binge watching "Insecure" by Issa Rae on HBO, I managed to fall deeper in love and appreciation with my husband. There are spoilers here!

    I binge watched Issa Rae’s “Insecure” in four hours today when I was supposed to be writing a post about some divine cookies. Instead, I was rapping along as she talked about a broken pu$$y, laughed at her relatable awkward moments, felt nostalgia at the relationship with her bestie, and felt the devastation along with the world during the last episode. Let me stop right here and put in a PSA: there will be spoilers here and possibly tears as I write this. I became so emotionally attached to Issa and Lawrence’s relationship that I was emotionally distraught towards the end. The only thing I wanted was to be in my husband’s arms.

    via GIPHY

    #TeamIssa

    I’m not going to lie, I’m 100% #TeamIssa all the way. I mean, we women have to stick together, right? Mistakes happen. Sometimes we slip, fall and end up on someone else’s nether regions—no judgement, right? Ok, maybe a little judgement. But in the beginning of “Insecure” I could totally relate to how she was feeling in her relationship with Lawrence. I’m pretty sure that most of us have been in that complacent place in a relationship but you’re legit in love with the person so you don’t want to leave but you also don’t want to stay—it’s a hard place to be in.

    via GIPHY

    When I was in my relationship in college this is how I felt. He was such an amazing person and he knew me so well. Our family’s knew each other. I was certain he was the one. But then things just got complacent. I was still in college and he was still figuring out life and I was tired a la Issa. Mistakes happen… blah blah blah blah blah.

    After binge watching "Insecure" by Issa Rae on HBO, I managed to fall deeper in love and appreciation with my husband. There are spoilers here!

    Photo credit Bustle.com

    #TeamLawrence

    But I’m also for a good guy. I believe in the good guys winning at life. I don’t believe they finish last. Which is why I married one. I thought that the attention to Lawrence when he wasn’t on screen with Issa was so important. They did a phenomenal job in developing his character. This guy was really trying and putting that work in. Issa identified a problem with their relationship and he worked hard to fix it. Date nights, cooking, getting a job, etc. showed that his choice was her through and through.

    via GIPHY

    Any man who is willing make the needed changes to make his woman happy is a keeper. The emotion that he showed in finding out about her cheating on him was heartbreaking. Like watching this I just wanted to hug him and give him the mama pat on the back. And then he did what was expected: ended up between the legs (or behind to be more accurate) of the woman who recognized the potential and the present. All I could do was shake my head as the tears poured out of my eyes.

    I Love My Husband But More Importantly I Appreciate Him

    After I took a step back and removed myself from all the feelings that this show gave me, the only thing I could do was text my husband that I loved him. If you’re a long-time reader here, you already know I’m not traveling without him with our two minions. My husband is not perfect. He leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, doesn’t always clean the kitchen despite our agreement, fusses at the kids, and isn’t the most romantic guy in the world but you know what? He’s pretty damn awesome.

    He comes home every.single.day and listens to me go on and on about my dreams and goals for my business while tackling our children. He’s the only source of testosterone in our strongly estrogenated house (yes, I made that word up). And this man loves me so much that he’s constantly improving himself to make sure that we’re beyond good. He tries his hardest to make sure that I’m happy.

    I love my husband so much. Our marriage is the icing on the cake of life and our friendship is like crushed Oreo’s on top—so delicious. Not that I would ever cheat on him but seeing the pain and the reaction to Issa’s actions really took a lot out of me because I would never want my husband to feel that way about anything that I did. I always want him to know that I love and appreciate him for the man is today as well as who he’s growing into.

    And I share this with you guys because I don’t want any of you to be Issa crying on the couch while your Lawrence is stroking the woman who’s been stroking his ego waiting for her chance. Ladies, love your significant other. Like really love them and allow yourselves to be loved by them as well. There’s nothing perfect in the world but that doesn’t mean you don’t give your best and your all.

    Don’t be Issa on the couch.

     

    Dear Husbands: Please SHOW Us Appreciation

    We love our husbands and we know that we're loved. But there's more than love in marriage. There's also romance, appreciation, and more...

    Let me preface this open letter by saying that I absolutely love my husband. This was prompted by the many conversations had between wives as we both appreciate our husbands and wish upon stars for things they would do that are just.for.us. My husband is hands down the best father in the world and that’s saying a lot because I was raised by one.

    Dear Husbands,

    We, yes we, are tired. This is a blanket statement that I’ve heard on my mommy boards, wife boards, and private messages with friends.

    We. Are. Exhausted. 

    Overwhelmed. 

    Tired.

    <insert an additional synonymn that goes with the flow since I’m just too tired to look one up>

    via GIPHY

    I realized just how tired and overwhelmed I was when I promised my cousin last Friday that on my day off we would hang out. But then that didn’t happen. On Friday I went shopping for Halloween costumes to make for the girls and a client, rushed home to do something that I’ve now forgotten, do some more client work, before taking mini to the bone doctor for her follow up. This included dragging not only her, but her sister, and my bonus child. After getting a cast on, we sat in traffic for an hour as every ounce of my patience flew out the window.

    Then it dawned on me that I hadn’t put dinner on. #momfail

    Rehashing my last Friday wears me out as well. Because even after all this, I went to the store after the kids went to bed and I cancelled any iota of a date night I really wanted to have with my husband so that we could have a picnic basket of snacks ready for us in the morning for mini’s track meet. I did this because at our last track meet, my husband fussed at me about not being properly prepared for an all day event. But not this time. This time I was ready with apple sauces, PB&J’s, fruit, breakfast bars and other healthy snacks. And do you know that he didn’t even notice?

    Tired guys. Ti-Red. 

    Here’s the thing about my friends and I–we never for one second thing that our husbands don’t love us. If there’s nothing else in the world that we know, it’s that you guys love us. We see it in the way you go to work. The way you love on our children. The way you snore in our ears as we spoon. But most days, we just don’t feel appreciated.

    pin drops

    via GIPHY

    I know. I said it. And I heard the pin drop as the room got silent. But let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. After reading article after article naming everything that we women do wrong for our mate’s and why we’re single and all the other malarkey, I’m going to address 2 things here: 1. how awesome and amazing we are; and, 2. ways to show you appreciate the awesome and amazing we are.

    We love our husbands and we know that we're loved. But there's more than love in marriage. There's also romance, appreciation, and more...

    See Our Amazing

    I have a friend who is a mom of 2 who is married but handles a lot of the parenthood thing because her loving spouse travels for work. This woman has handled 1 tiresome three year old and 1 non-sleeping 1 year old by herself on many a nights. I’d also like to mention that she’s an entrepreneur. So not only is she out here rocking the hell out of motherhood but she’s doing it while being an amazing business woman. But do you know what she sees? She sees that she forgot to make dinner–not that she picked her daughter up on time from school and managed to work and run errands and countless other things. She’s holding her household down. And is tired because on average she sleeps a couple hours a night.

    But it’s not just her. Most of us moms are out here working–whether in the home or out–while cleaning, cooking, checking on the finances, making sure that everyone has matching socks, hair is done, belly’s are full, teachers are spoken to, and more. We. Are. Amazing. But you know what? You guys are too since you made the wise choice in marrying us.

    But Please Show Us You Appreciate Us

    Please. Like pretty please. At the end of the day, most of us are motivated to be our best because of the love that we have for you and our children. On days that I don’t think I can do anymore after working a 12 hour day, cooking, running to track practice and during, feeding and fighting with kids all while beating myself up I keep going because I want to be more. Not just for me, but for you. But you know what hurts us?

    Not feeling appreciated. 

    I remember the first time that mini said “Thank you” to me. I asked her what she was thanking me for. Her response? “Everything mommy”. I swear to God I knew I would keep her for forever after that. But seriously, just her simple acknowledgment of everything that I was doing meant the world to me and motivated me to do more.

    via GIPHY

    Just saying the words “Thank you” matter. But so does doing things that speak her love language. Don’t know it? Do things that speak all of the love languages. You know that masquerade ball she really wants to get dressed up for and go to because she just wants to see herself as beautiful again while out with the love of her life? Go. Make it a priority. You know how she seems a little cranky? Bring home some flowers or a little treat for her. Leave her a note just saying how much you appreciate her. Set up a date night where the only thing she’s responsible for is showering and dressing.

    via GIPHY

    Make her a priority. 

    Now if you don’t care about her and you don’t really like being married, disregard this. But if you do care and you love your wife, please, show her that you appreciate her.

    xoxo,

    Aaronica