In becoming a mom to a new baby–first, second, twentieth–there’s some information that the masses could use. This isn’t only for the people that don’t have children
(hell, people who’ve had children need to be reminded because they seem to have forgotten), this is for pretty much everyone. Not saying that all new moms will agree on these, but I am saying that most new moms will.
We Need Help–But Help Isn’t Holding My Baby
After the baby is born, so often you here about people wanting to come over and help with the baby. Here’s the thing, most moms are still learning their babies and bonding so that’s not really what they want the help with. Especially when most people’s “help” is holding the baby, sitting too close while you hold the baby, giving unwarranted advice, or something along those lines. But this isn’t to say that new moms DON’T need help. Most new moms have messy homes, are starving, and are struggling to find clean clothes. And that’s a mom of one. If a mom is on their second, third, etc., then not only are their homes a wreck, laundry insane, family’s possibly starving, but their other kids need attention and activities too. THIS is what new moms need help with. Go over and do a load of laundry. Bring over a casserole. Clean the kitchen. Yes, I know that the new baby is cute and all and chances are she’ll invite you to hold them so she can get a shower but let her know that you are there for HER–not just the little person she’s created.
The Phone Isn’t Our Friend
I can’t count how many unanswered texts, calls, and voicemails that I have or how many people get in their feelings about a lack of response. As a full-time mom of a newborn, a 5 year old, new wife, and working full-time, sitting and chatting or texting is not really a luxury that I have. Anything I do on my phone is normally going to be somehow linked to social networking (to let the masses know what’s going on) or looking up some kind of symptom that one of my kids/husband/self are dealing with. Most times when we receive a call or text, we make a note to self to return it. But then we get caught up changing a diaper, making dinner, wiping a nose, putting a baby to sleep, taking a picture, trying to squeeze in a shower or even get in some adult time with our husbands. Not returning a call/text/voicemail is not personal–it’s just not high priority right now!
We Don’t Want to Talk About the “Next” Baby
I was still pregnant with abc when people were asking me if I was planning on having another. When mini was 3, I was seriously double thinking whether or not I would even have another baby and now people are checking whether or not I want to have more kids while I’m puking my brains out with a baby inside me? No thanks. I don’t want to talk about it. On top of the fact that it’s extremely awkward having someone ask me about my reproductive activities. It’s almost like saying “Hey, are you going to be having sex with your husband without any form of birth control any time soon?” SUUUUUPER weird. I don’t want to talk about my current or future sex habits with my husband with people I barely know OR the people I do know. It’s a personal and private choice. If we have more kids, believe me, the world will know by me turning back to the size of a planet.
Your “FurBaby” is Not The Equivalent to Having a Baby
I’ve seen this argument so many times. “My puppy is just like having a new baby… blah blah blah blah blah.” This is not to discredit the relationship shared between a pet and it’s owner but a puppy is NOT a baby. There are many differences–the main ones being that you grow a baby in a person’s belly, though both need to be potty trained the training is done in very different ways, you don’t crate train babies, and you can leave animals alone for hours without someone calling the people on you. No new mom wants to hear someone compare the little person that they just grew inside of them for about 10 months and then pushed out (or had taken out) in a lovely, bloody experience. You love your furbaby, we get it, but it’s nothing like having a baby. I’ve had 2 puppies at once and a new litter of kittens–not at all like having a new baby.
We Need To Be Taken Care of Too
This is probably the hardest one for me to admit. I’m one of those supermoms that feels like they can do everything for everyone. And I can–just not myself. When you’re a new mom, you spend so much time fawning over your new baby nursing, pumping, making bottles, changing diapers, researching which diapers are best, making sure you have enough of…..everything that we stop taking care of ourselves. I’m a firm believer that you should put yourself before all other people (God or whatever higher power you believe in should come first) but sometimes this just isn’t possible. Often times new moms forget to eat or bathe and we need someone to take care of us. We need someone to help us make sure we’re getting half our body weight in water so we can produce enough milk (if you’re breastfeeding) or eating enough calories or taking our vitamins. We need someone to remind us that while being covered in puke, poop, milk, etc does show that we’re great moms, it does nothing for us as a person. We need someone to tell us and show us that they love our little people as much as we do so we can sleep a little longer. We need those people that want to call on US, not just our babies. Although we’re taking care of people, we need to be taken care of too.
Because this is so fresh for me, I could probably continue to go on and on about this topic. New moms, do you agree? What would you add?